Parents, got any tips for breaking bad language habits?

"Tom McParland" (tommcparland)
03/18/2016 at 20:40 • Filed to: dadlopnik, languagelopnik

So my three year old has learned this bad habit of saying “Jesus Christ!” He learned it from...you guessed it, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! Any of you have any helpful tips on how to stop him from saying it? (Rally Rotary for your time)

Ok first let me say I’m not a terribly religious person, but I do my best to respect other people’s beliefs. I realize in the scheme of bad language habits, this is not that bad, but I still think it’s inappropriate for a toddler to say.

Now he does use it in the proper context. He will be playing with his truck or something and a wheel will come off - “Aw...Jesus Christ!”

The first time, it was funny. The fifth time...it was too much. So now the wife and I are trying to replace it with something else. We tried ignoring it as to not draw attention to it thinking he would drop it...Nope

When he stayed overnight with my mother-in-law, who is long divorced from my FIL, she told him that was bad to say. So now he says “Jesus Christ is bad!” She had good intentions, but now it’s kind of worse.

We tried substitutions...we tell him, “Say, aw jeeze!” or “Aww man!”

That works for about an hour. I’m trying to nip this before he picks up something worse.

DISCUSSION (34)

TheRealBicycleBuck > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:48

That’s an easy one! Every time he says it, take something he cherishes and put it in time out. Be sure to warn him before doing it the first time.

Guess what? It also works on teenagers.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:49

A belt...

I’d certainly not what you should use. We have a bench in the mudroom that we have them sit on when they are bad. As soon as I hear an ‘o shit’ that’s where they went. It only took one time. They don’t really understand. We explained that some words are not OK and they listened. My wife and I also took this as a lesson to watch what we say. They adsorb everything

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:49

I’m so scared about this. I have a 9 month old; most of my wife’s and my favorite words are four letters.

Tom McParland > TheRealBicycleBuck
03/18/2016 at 20:49

I’m finding that time-out does not have very good long term effects of curbing bad behavior.

Tekamul > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:49

you’re on the right path, maybe just change your method. Every time he says it, say something close as quick and loud as possible right over it, like “cheese and rice!” He’ll think you’re right, he’s wrong, and migrate to something more acceptable.

Urambo Tauro > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:50

I still remember the taste of soap, years after being taught that lesson. Not a fond memory.

Agrajag > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:50

I suggest trying to use “Jumpin’ Jehosaphat” as a replacement.

Tom McParland > Tekamul
03/18/2016 at 20:51

Yeah that is what we keep doing...hopefully it pays off and he doesn’t pick up anything worse.

Tom McParland > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
03/18/2016 at 20:51

You would be surprised how fast you self censor the first time your kid repeats something bad.

Steve in Manhattan > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:52

I think you are not going to fix this.

Sure, we have, no kids, 2 cats, but they barely talk when we want them to ....

When I was 8, my piano teacher pulled a book off the shelf that she needed to answer my question. She dropped it and said: “DAMN, I broke the binding.”

That never went away.

Later, in junior high, I heard my geometry teacher say: “Well fuck me running,” in response to ... something.

And I remain a foul-mouthed motherfucker to this day.

Tom McParland > Urambo Tauro
03/18/2016 at 20:52

I don’t think he is quite old enough for the soap thing.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:52

Move it to the next level - throw the cherished object out the front door. That’s what my wife did. We never had a problem with that behavior again.

The strangest part was coming home to a lawn strewn with kid’s toys.

RandomTask > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:53

You have to keep on him, our 4 year old was the same way. They are creatures of habit and unless you stick to your guns and actually make an issue out of it, he’s going to keep saying it. You have to make it known that it’s not behavior you and your wife approve of. So every time he says “Jesus Christ!” and you hear him say it, tell him that’s not the words we use, and that if he does it again, he’s getting what ever he’s playing with taken away. He’ll likely test the boundary you set, and then you take away the toy. He’ll likely cry, but kids learn very VERY quickly. HOORAY PARENTING!

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:53

Every kid is different. With my 6 year old daughter and 3 year old so I’ve found ignoring the really bad stuff works best. A few weeks ago in the back seat of the car my daughter said “holy shit dad!” when we passed a big wreck. I totally ignored it and haven’t heard it since. But when I tried to explain to her we don’t say “play with my wiener” (we have a dachshund mix) she just said it more and more.

djmt1 > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 20:54

You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring.

Tom McParland > RandomTask
03/18/2016 at 20:54

Yeah consistency is the key. I’m just waiting for the day where some of this stuff finally “kicks in.”

Tom McParland > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com
03/18/2016 at 20:55

We have a Dachshund too!

Tom McParland > djmt1
03/18/2016 at 20:55

We live near the beach :/

PushToStart > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
03/18/2016 at 21:00

My mom was the same way, and honestly I’m pretty damn sure I turned out just fucking fine, thank you very much.

1111111111111111111111 > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 21:00

We tried. But the more I try not to swear the harder it fucking gets. So now we have a 5 year old. He knows almost all the swear words.

What we’ve said is that different people and places have different rules. You can use those words at home but you can’t use them as attacks, or use any slurs.

So far so good. He will say goddammit or that whas cool as shit, etc. Pretty clumsy swearing.

But not one instance at school or a friend’s house, or the grand parents.

f86sabre > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 21:02

A quiet rebuke, but don’t make a huge deal about it. If you make a big deal that reinforces the shock value of the statement and they will use it as such.

You will get a kick out of this one. I’m flopped out in our living room chair reading Oppo a few Saturday’s ago. My 9 year old, who is a good, mild kid, comes down with his giant Nurf gun. He and a friend had been playing upstairs. As he reaches the bottom of the stairs, with the Nurf gun held at his side, he says, “Die motherfuckers!” Quietly. I slowly pop my head up where he could see me and signal him over. I grab him by the shirt, look him in the eye and say, “You know that is inappropriate and I will not hear you say it again.” He is pasty white and looks terrified. I then let him go. When he left the room I was able to laugh because it was kind of awesome. I have not told my wife about it.

Tom McParland > 1111111111111111111111
03/18/2016 at 21:02

Yeah at 3 I don’t think my son would understand the concept of “situational language.”

Tom McParland > f86sabre
03/18/2016 at 21:03

That’s a good one.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 21:04

I’m jealous. Ours isn’t really a Dachsund just some mix that probably has some Dachsund and that my daughter is obsessed with calling “my wiener.”

Kinja'd!!!

1111111111111111111111 > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 21:07

Yeah, but you might be surprised. Wee man caught on quick. I also figure it’s an outlet. As soon as it becomes a thing it will be.

We laugh out loud sometimes, because hearing a kid say “damn that was shitting” when talking about the cat jumping off a tree is honestly funny.

1111111111111111111111 > Urambo Tauro
03/18/2016 at 21:09

And did it work?

1111111111111111111111 > BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
03/18/2016 at 21:10

Read my reply above or below. It’s been pretty easy for us. Wee man is quick on the uptake too.

Urambo Tauro > 1111111111111111111111
03/18/2016 at 21:14

Absolutely... so long as I was within earshot of my parents.

Berang > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 21:22

You just need something that sounds funnier.

Like Holy Guacamole! Or GREAT SCOTT.

RandomTask > Tom McParland
03/18/2016 at 21:26

The biggest thing is making sure you and your wife are on the same page. You guys have to be doing the same thing, otherwise your kid is getting mixed messages. It gets even harder when grandparents and babysitters are thrown into the mix.

Tom McParland > RandomTask
03/18/2016 at 21:34

We are pretty good about that.

Old-Busted-Hotness > Tom McParland
03/19/2016 at 06:32

That’s easy. Teach him “Fuck a duck!” He’ll forget JC in a hurry.

Antisocially_Sideways > Tom McParland
03/19/2016 at 09:41

I couldn’t stop laughing when I first heard my heard my daughter ask me what an asshole was. And when my son would bang on his little hammer IKEA toy and say dammit every time he whacked himself. Best one was when he was having trouble pronouncing “st” and it came out more like “d”. Even my wife couldn’t help herself when he ran in the house and yelled “Mommy, I’m going to poke you with my stick”. But my wife and I stay consistent on correcting the bad language. Consistency is key.

I think the best advice I’ve heard is that you let your kids know that curse words are adult words, and they don’t get to use them until they are adults.

vicali > Tom McParland
03/21/2016 at 15:32

My Sister-in-law and I have a mission; we both have 4year old sons born days apart, both are learning all sorts of new words.. We decided we would make up a few words and act like they are the worst words ever; “crumps” is mine, hers is “figit” ..

One day they will think it’s hilarious..